Thursday, January 24, 2008

What Score Would You Give This Essay?

Topic:
What is one important goal you would like to achieve in the next few years? In your essay, identify that goal. Explain how you plan to achieve it. Use your personal observations, experience and knowledge.

Response to Prompt:
I have many goals all but I never seem to realize any of them. Something always gets in the way, like money, relationships, or just plain old bad luck. So therefore though I'd like to achieve some goals, I really can't say I've had much success.

Once I tried to earn some money to buy a playstation by working part-time cutting grass. My neighbor stole all my customers away from me as soon as he found out I was making about $20 an hour doing lawns. He offered to do lawns for a flat fee of $18, and I knew I couldn't compete with that!

Another time, I wanted to try out for the football team. I was sure to make the first string as an offensive lineman. But my girlfriend said I wasn't spending enough time with her. It was either her or the team. So I chose her, and then she broke up with me a week later anyway.

Last, bad luck has come into play in the past. I had plans to start attending GED classes in fall of last year. However, the summer right before that, I was helping my brother fix the brakes on his 68 Nova Chevelle SS. The jack slipped out from under the car, and I broke my arm when the car fell. Needless to say I was not ready to write essays and do math with a cast on my arm from my knuckles to my shoulder.

So, all in all, goals have been very difficult for me to accomplish. Something bad always happens to me, and then the goals go by the wayside for a while longer. My advice to you would be to watch out for fake friends, girlfriends, and bad luck when trying to accomplish your goals.

8 comments:

melissa said...

my comments about this whole topic of this essay is that it had alot of details bout the goals that he want to acomplish but seems like it will never happen with all the bad luck thats been going on and feel like the writer deserve a 3 it was really adequate and i understand how he feels about bad luck

Corie Gandy said...

Adam, I think that this essay is clearly focused on the main idea, the grammar of the writter is correct, and you also have a varity of words that expresses themself

Mr.Hundred Rounds said...

Adam I think you deserve a 2 on yout essay.You listed goals that you didnt accomplish in the past but,you didnt stick to the topic of the essay.I coulnd't get an idea about what goals that you want to accomplish in the next few years.

tinknauntee said...

okay i think you would get a 2 because you did use correct grammar and spelling i do understand what you are saying about your goals but you didnt stick to the topic all you did was made excuses why you didnt accomplish the three goals

Lawrence Robinson said...

You didn't give a goal that you wanted to achieve in the next few years. You gave us unsuccessful stuff you tried to do in the past, but no future plans.

stakolee said...

Hello All,
Thanks for commenting here. I agree, I set up this essay to see if you would pick up on several things. First, many of you noticed that I did NOT stay on topic, but rather wrote about the opposite of the topic. That's a very common student error on the GED essay. Second, some of you did note the grammar, word choice, and organization were actually pretty well thought out. Those qualities probably would have saved this piece of writing from failing the test with a score of 1 (no score).

venera said...

thank you very much Mr.Adam for your time. This is a Venera

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