Thursday, December 6, 2007

What I Would Do to Improve Richmond

I would improve Richmond in several ways because this city does not live up to its potential. By honestly addressing racism, as well as public school teachers' and parents' attitudes towards children, our town could make significant progress.

First, we must deal with white racism. I realized this when I helped a neighbor kid bring his dog to the vet. Steven was black, and only nine years old, and I am white. When we walked across the parking lot of the vet's office, a white man and his young son stared at us. The father grabbed his child by the arm and the two of them seemed to look at us in disgust. I felt that they were stereotyping a kid whose life was just starting out without knowing anything about him. To solve this problem, people of different backgrounds need to get to know each other in order to break down prejudices. A more economically and racially integrated community would help to achieve this.

Second, teachers' attitudes towards kids in the City school system must improve. I have seen teachers tell middle schoolers they're stupid, and offer high schoolers coloring handouts instead of real work. Teachers with this kind of approach should be warned, then fired if they don't shape-up. Then, they can be replaced with better paid, more skilled teachers with better attitudes. This will help to turn out students who have better outlooks themselves, and who are more likely to succeed.

Lastly, parents need an attitude check too. If kids are ever to fix the mess we've made, parents can't keep threatening them with physical violence as a solution. Children who learn that only reason not to break the rules is because they'll be beaten don't necessarily understand the underlying reasons for controlling their behavior. My wife went to get a flu shot the other day, and she heard a mom say to her 2 year old kid, "If you don't shut up, I'll have them stick you with that needle!" Parents need to respect their kids and do better parenting by reading up on child development, and talking to each other about their concerns. Then, we'll raise a new generation of Richmonders with more positive views than many of the adults causing problems.

So to sum up, I would improve Richmond in three ways: deal with racism by helping people to get to know each other, hire better teachers to replace the negative ones, and encourage parents to stop using threats and start using respect as a way to raise children. I believe those points would go a long way towards fixing our problems.


tinknauntee said...

Yes, Adam I think this essay is effective and I do agree with all three reasons because racism should be a thing of the past because we were all created equally and just because ther color of our skin is different we all breath,bleed, and will die the same way,and the way the teachers talk to students today is degrading anytime a teacher thinks that it is okay for them to tell a female student that the only thing that she will be good atr is laying doen to make babies is disgusting, and lastly I think that parents should be ashamed to either physically, mentally or even verbally abuse a child of their own or anyone else's for that matter. Like for instance I am employed at Wal-Mart as a cashier and I have customers all the time threating or telling their children to sit the (****) down or shut the (****) up in the line where there are other customers waiting or just standing around, like I had a customer recently who told her 4 year old child to "sit the **** down or she was going to choke the **** out of him" and his response was "**** you im gonna tell my daddy and he is going to beat your ***". I knew she was embarassed but the child didn't know any better because it started at home. So that's why I strongly agree with your rrsponse.

tee jay said...

You are right from what you said about racism. the only way that that will change is from your third paragraph, it starts with the parents. the only reason that racism is still alive is because the parents are teaching that hate to their kids at an early age. Some parents just dont understand what they are really doing to their kids minds when they threatin them like that. That just shows that they do need to read up more or it shopws that they werent really ready for any children. the teachers I think are the core to change. some students get no education or attention at home. So school should be their little safe haven they dont need grown ups who should know better to break the kids down and ruin their social skills any more than their parents already do

now to score your essay. I would give you a 4 on your responce to the prompt. I would also give you a 4 on your organization on how you broke the paragraphs up to you'r 3 opinions on how to change Richmond. I will give you a 3 for your development. because you only talked about one side of racism but there is a problem with racism in all genders. And also a 3 on EAE and word choise . you controlled the structure but you didnt use any uncommon words and put them in a sentence that will keep you intrigued,but i can say that I didnt miss the point of your essay.

stakolee said...

I'm glad you and several others are actively participating in this writing exercise. It will help you a lot when you have to write your GED essay. Your observations that corroborrate mine are well exemplified. The Wal-Mart reference is the type of personal experience detail that a GED essay scorer would want. Like some classmates though, you should exercise caution to make sure you control your sentence structure and punctuation. Run-on sentences can lower your score. Look back in your comment and you'll see there's no period until right before your job observations. That's a long time for the reader to go without taking a breath! Try going back through your comment to clean up these problems today/tonight.
See you tonight,

stakolee said...

Thanks for the review. Your comment has the makings of a book review in a magazine or newspaper. That's because you tell us whether you agree with the point, and why. Then you go on to evaluate whether I complied with the mechanics and requirements of a GED essay. The only thing I'd recommend is to use spellcheck and your own eyes to review the comment before posting. When you do that, you'll catch little things like "dont" and "shopws." Tonight go back through your comment and fix up those small problem spots.
See you this evening,

melissa said...

Yes Adam I agree on some of the topics that will make richmond live up to there name.For one racism is really in the past i really dont see alot of racial activity i havent seen things like that in a very long time i feel like that it is a little bit better than it was in the past.Second of all i think that the teacher are really getting pressured with majority of the kids Its really not the teacher thats dissrespecting the children its the children disrespecting the teacher and i believe if the children was raised in a good home with respectable parents it wouldnt be so bad .I believe if the parents take part of the child schooling then maybe it would make a difference.
Last but not least parents that threatens there children are more than likely to do so maybe the parents dont spank there children they might use that stragy to make there children behave dont get me wrong i have used that method and it do work.
so for this essay Adam i will give this one a 3